If you give a mom a muffin

This is from my friend from LDFR... If You Give a (Mormon Homeschooling) Mom a Muffin… She will want some orange juice to go with it. She will pour some orange juice into a glass, and go to put the pitcher in the fridge. When she turns around, the 7 year-old will be drinking the orange juice. She will say “Hey!”, startling the 7 year old who will spill the remaining orange juice on the table, chairs and floor. She will get two dishrags and teach the 7 year old how to properly clean up a spill. While she is wiping up the floor, the phone will ring. She will jump up to get the phone, knocking the back of her head on the table. The 4 year old will beat her to the phone (of course!) (The four year old does NOT take messages.) (of course.) While she is trying to get the phone from the 4 year old, the baby will begin screaming and the 6 year old will run and hide. She will pick up the baby as the 4 year old hangs up the phone. (of course.) She will begin searching for the 6 year old…in the linen closet…. She will find the stack of bills she has been looking for all week. (Huh? In the linen closet??) She will remember that the utility bill is due tomorrow and go looking for her checkbook. She will find that the 4 year old has dumped the entire contents of the purse onto the floor and is applying lip gloss to her eyebrows. She will go to the laundry room to fetch a diaper wipe, and will slip on the remaining orange juice. She will crash onto her rear and start the baby screaming again. The 6 year old will giggle from in hiding. (the pantry?) She will stand up, console the baby and head toward the laundry room for that diaper wipe. She will find the dryer door open (with her shin) and full of wet clothes. She will call the 10 year old to finish her chore. The 7 year old will show up asking for help with a math problem. The math problem is about hamburgers. She will remember that she is supposed to take dinner to the new mother down the street. She will get a pound of hamburger out of the freezer and look for her cookbook “101 Things to do with a pound of Hamburger”. She will step over the contents of her purse (where is the 4 year old now??), carefully side-step the orange juice, and start going through the recipe books. The phone will ring. Again. (of course…) The 4 year old will beat her to the phone (of course!) The 4 year old does not take messages (remember?) The baby will ”explode” in his diaper. The 6 year old will giggle again (the pantry?) She will side-step the orange juice, step over the contents of her purse, and head back to the laundry room to change the baby. Digging through the laundry basket for clean baby clothes will remind her that she is still wearing pajamas. She will strip to the skin and find clean clothes for Mom too… The doorbell will ring … (of course!) The 4 year old will beat her to the door (of course!) It is the neighbor girl selling girl scout cookies. She will send the 10-year old to sort through the contents of her purse for money to buy some Samoas. The 10 year old, the 7 year old, and the 4 year old all surface, asking to have some. She says “Yes” so she can get dressed in peace. The baby starts crying. She steps over the contents of her purse, side-steps the orange juice, walks around the cookie crumbs and collapses in the rocker to nurse. The phone rings. AGAIN! (of course!) The 4 year old beats her to the phone (of course!!) The 10 year old snatches the phone from the 4 year old and reports that it is Daddy. Daddy wants to know A) why the 4 year old has been answering the phone all morning and B) if she can scan and e-mail the important document he left on his desk. She will carry the nursing baby upstairs to find the document. The 4 year old has drawn a purple family on the important document. She will look for the white out. Looking for the white out will take her to her desk where there is a post-it screaming – “BOOK CLUB!! DON’T FORGET TREATS!!” (Why did she let the kids eat those Samoas, anyway??!!) She will head downstairs and gather all the children together and begin a lesson in “real life” math (aka doubling recipes). The 6 year old has finally appeared and is crying because he got no Samoas. She will go to the pantry for the sugar and flour. She will find the 4 year old eating sugar straight out of a #10 can and spilling most of it on the floor. She will lay the now-sleeping baby down and fetch the broom. She will sweep up the sugar!!! (YEAH!) She will get the purse contents off of the floor and head back to her desk to write a check to the utility company… (DOUBLE YEAH!!) (where were those bills again??) She will white out the purple family and scan and e-mail the document. (THREE JOBS DONE!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??) The baby will wake up. (Does 17 minutes even count as a nap??) She will taste the cookie dough that the 10 year old has taken charge of. Since it is only slightly too salty, she will put the first batch in the oven. She will look around at the flour, sugar, and chocolate chips all over the floor and decide it can stay there with the orange juice until after lunch. She will decide to start some read-aloud. The phone will ring (of course!) The 4 year old will beat her to the phone (of course!) (The 4 year old does not take messages, remember??) She will take the phone off the hook. The cell phone will ring. (It’s Dad’s ring) Dad wants to know A) why the house phone is busy and B) if she ever sent that e-mail. She will head back upstairs to try again. The doorbell will ring. (of course) It’s the neighbor. (She will remember she offered to watch the neighbor’s toddler for an hour) The neighbor asks if something is burning and will look skeptical about leaving her toddler. She will feed the first batch of cookies to the dog. She will put in a second batch and gather all the kids around for a good book. The baby will start screaming. She will ask the 10-year old to turn pages while she nurses and reads. The phone will ring. (HUH? – she thought it was off the hook) The four year old will beat her to the phone. Again. Of course. The 7 year old will wrestle the phone from the 4 year old. Did she try sending that e-mail again? (She will say a very mild swear word, but only in her head) She will head upstairs to e-mail the document. The neighbor’s toddler will scream. The 6 year old will run and hide. She will feed the second batch of cookies to the dog. (She will set the timer for the third batch.) She will head upstairs to email that stinking document. She will hear the cookie timer and race downstairs. She will see that it is already 2 O’closk. She will feed the kids cookies, dried apples and yogurt for lunch. And she will pour them some orange juice to go with it. While she is at it, she will pour herself a glass of orange juice and go look for that muffin….maybe it is in the linen closet….. -------------------- Yvonne Polar Star Studies www.realmomstudies.blogspot.com